Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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