She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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