Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
