i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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