K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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