I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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