We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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