I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
