i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
