She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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