He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
