Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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