I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
