If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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