I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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