Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
