hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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