I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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