Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
