eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
