I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
