His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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