So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
