Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
