Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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