ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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