I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
