Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
