We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
