I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
