I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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