My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
tell me about the eggs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
