You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
