so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
