Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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