Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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