When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
