the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
