I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry about my life...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
