Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
