Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
