Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
