During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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