Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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