What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
