the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
