Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
