does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
