two words: eviction party
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
