Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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