Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize